Perseverance in the face of doubt (your own and others!)
I get a lot of questions and emails from people asking "How do you stay so motivated all the time? I can't imagine having that kind of energy to do that."
To be honest with you, I don't know where it comes from. And trust me, guys, it's not always there. Ask anyone who knows me well; they'll tell you I get tired, discouraged, burnt out, and stressed out from time to time. I'm no different than anyone else out there. I get tired. I get lazy. I get frustrated. I've had a few times where I've seriously considered just giving up on fitness entirely but I always talk myself out of it.
Perseverance is a tough thing to find in yourself. Quitting is quick, easy, and predictable. You can lick your wounds and bruised ego, justify it, and try your best to move on. But gosh, don't you feel like CRAP about it?
Goal-setting is something that many people avoid doing because it's so black-and-white in nature. You do it or you don't; it's that simple. The simplicity in it is really quite beautiful, but it's also terrifying to water it down to that degree. There's no wiggle room. And that, my friends, is not very comfortable.
Believing in yourself can be very tiring sometimes, because often times you're the only person in your corner. In my case, training for competitions and shows is a very physical, spiritual, and emotional process. You sacrifice an incredible amount of time and social events in order to make sure you stay on target for your goals. A huge part of your 20s and 30s is going to bars, restaurants, and parties. I, however, can't go to many restaurants, can't go out to bars, and have to go out of my way to make sure I get at least 7 hour of sleep to keep my body rested and in a decent fat-burning stage. Sometimes this means I'm in bed at 10:30 on a Saturday night-- lame.
In 2010, I did a local competition (my first Fitness America show, in fact) and got last place out of 6 in both bikini and figure. I felt I looked better than ever but again (and it's basically defined my career), despite my improvements I didn't do well. Fitness Universe was 3 weeks away and I was crippled with fear that I would get last there. "Oh my God!" I told my then-boyfriend, "What if I get last? WHAT IF IM LAST IN THE UNIVERSE!?! I'll die. I'll absolutely die."
Someone very close to me at the time that I counted on for support had seen me compete with no wins for two years at this point and had been at the local show to support me. He called me and was talking to me about how the show was and heard how scared I was to get on stage in Miami now. "Abby... I'm sorry, but how long are you going to go on humiliating yourself like this? You can't keep getting up there and making an ass of yourself forever."
I felt like someone shot me point-blank with a shotgun. It hurt my feelings so deeply that I remember my ears rang and my stomach got queasy. This was someone EXTREMELY close to me and it made me cry for hours. I felt completely worthless. I felt like everyone thought I was a loser.
I realized that this person was coming to my competitions not to support me, but to JUDGE ME. I didn't want their pity, I wanted them to be excited about my progress. Apparently the progress I'd made really was only apparent to me, my boyfriend at the time, and the message board I frequented. I was getting pity, not support.
My boyfriend said, "Abby... you know what? F*** [that person]. I'm serious. Sorry. I love them, but that's a load of sh*t. You have a bigger objective here and they don't get it. You have come SO FAR in the last few years. You can't quit now. You have three weeks to make a big difference in your physique. You can do it."
Through my tears, I said okay. Panic surged through me at the thought. 3 weeks. That was it. I had 21 days to make drastic changes in my physique. It seemed impossible. I took a deep breath. I looked at myself in the mirror-- red, puffy face with tearstains streaked down my cheeks and said "Okay. Settle down. You have work to do. You can do this and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have 3 weeks to do magic."
My workouts (while having a full-time job) changed from 2-a-days to 3-a-days. My diet tightened to levels I'd never reached before.
I showed up in Miami exhausted but with a different body from the last time anyone had seen me the month before. "Oh my God, what did you do since the Great North?!?!" I told them: " I busted my ass."
I made the top ten in figure tall class that year and I bawled my eyes out in joy and shock when I made the callout. I'm so used to shuffling off stage, it was amazing to stand up there being someone who got to stay on stage at finals. And 10th place never felt more like a gold medal in my life-- I beamed for days.
My life and belief in myself changed at that moment. I was born a new athlete with a new outlook and I realized how much placements themselves don't matter. I realized how much other people's opinions of me didn't mean anything. My belief in myself and the support of my now-ex boyfriend was enough to carry me through.
Life is all about whose messages you listen to in your mind and heart-- yours or someone else's. If I had wallowed in the negativity thrown at me by others in the industry, the judging panel, or even people extremely close to me, I would have quit or lobbed myself off a bridge a long time ago. Trust me. I still get flack from not being "quite right" in the industry.
I'm a little frazzled today. I can be honest with you guys. I'm tired-- physically and mentally, I'm starting to run out of gas. This is a normal snag for me to hit. I know my show preps like the back of my hand. I'm still excited about everything, but I'm worried about the Arnold for numerous reasons. When I'm freaking out or feeling burnt out, I have somewhat of a bizarre meditation process. I get a coffee from the gas station, turn my radio off, and I drive around the Cities in silence. I think a lot. I talk to God. I constantly ask for guidance and that I'll follow Him where ever He points me and to please continue putting the right people in my path to get me where I'm supposed to go. I will go wherever His compass points me. I always have to find my center and everything will be okay.
I can either quit or I can keep going and keep trying. So as worried as I am about the Arnold, I'll just keep going. I'll find my way.
For all of you out there worried or struggling.... hang in there. Decide who you're going to listen to in your life, make a plan of action, balance yourself emotionally/mentally through whatever YOUR routine is, and go. It will be worth it in the end.
Make it a great Wednesday. <3
To be honest with you, I don't know where it comes from. And trust me, guys, it's not always there. Ask anyone who knows me well; they'll tell you I get tired, discouraged, burnt out, and stressed out from time to time. I'm no different than anyone else out there. I get tired. I get lazy. I get frustrated. I've had a few times where I've seriously considered just giving up on fitness entirely but I always talk myself out of it.
Perseverance is a tough thing to find in yourself. Quitting is quick, easy, and predictable. You can lick your wounds and bruised ego, justify it, and try your best to move on. But gosh, don't you feel like CRAP about it?
Goal-setting is something that many people avoid doing because it's so black-and-white in nature. You do it or you don't; it's that simple. The simplicity in it is really quite beautiful, but it's also terrifying to water it down to that degree. There's no wiggle room. And that, my friends, is not very comfortable.
Believing in yourself can be very tiring sometimes, because often times you're the only person in your corner. In my case, training for competitions and shows is a very physical, spiritual, and emotional process. You sacrifice an incredible amount of time and social events in order to make sure you stay on target for your goals. A huge part of your 20s and 30s is going to bars, restaurants, and parties. I, however, can't go to many restaurants, can't go out to bars, and have to go out of my way to make sure I get at least 7 hour of sleep to keep my body rested and in a decent fat-burning stage. Sometimes this means I'm in bed at 10:30 on a Saturday night-- lame.
In 2010, I did a local competition (my first Fitness America show, in fact) and got last place out of 6 in both bikini and figure. I felt I looked better than ever but again (and it's basically defined my career), despite my improvements I didn't do well. Fitness Universe was 3 weeks away and I was crippled with fear that I would get last there. "Oh my God!" I told my then-boyfriend, "What if I get last? WHAT IF IM LAST IN THE UNIVERSE!?! I'll die. I'll absolutely die."
Someone very close to me at the time that I counted on for support had seen me compete with no wins for two years at this point and had been at the local show to support me. He called me and was talking to me about how the show was and heard how scared I was to get on stage in Miami now. "Abby... I'm sorry, but how long are you going to go on humiliating yourself like this? You can't keep getting up there and making an ass of yourself forever."
I felt like someone shot me point-blank with a shotgun. It hurt my feelings so deeply that I remember my ears rang and my stomach got queasy. This was someone EXTREMELY close to me and it made me cry for hours. I felt completely worthless. I felt like everyone thought I was a loser.
I realized that this person was coming to my competitions not to support me, but to JUDGE ME. I didn't want their pity, I wanted them to be excited about my progress. Apparently the progress I'd made really was only apparent to me, my boyfriend at the time, and the message board I frequented. I was getting pity, not support.
My boyfriend said, "Abby... you know what? F*** [that person]. I'm serious. Sorry. I love them, but that's a load of sh*t. You have a bigger objective here and they don't get it. You have come SO FAR in the last few years. You can't quit now. You have three weeks to make a big difference in your physique. You can do it."
Through my tears, I said okay. Panic surged through me at the thought. 3 weeks. That was it. I had 21 days to make drastic changes in my physique. It seemed impossible. I took a deep breath. I looked at myself in the mirror-- red, puffy face with tearstains streaked down my cheeks and said "Okay. Settle down. You have work to do. You can do this and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have 3 weeks to do magic."
My workouts (while having a full-time job) changed from 2-a-days to 3-a-days. My diet tightened to levels I'd never reached before.
I showed up in Miami exhausted but with a different body from the last time anyone had seen me the month before. "Oh my God, what did you do since the Great North?!?!" I told them: " I busted my ass."
I made the top ten in figure tall class that year and I bawled my eyes out in joy and shock when I made the callout. I'm so used to shuffling off stage, it was amazing to stand up there being someone who got to stay on stage at finals. And 10th place never felt more like a gold medal in my life-- I beamed for days.
My life and belief in myself changed at that moment. I was born a new athlete with a new outlook and I realized how much placements themselves don't matter. I realized how much other people's opinions of me didn't mean anything. My belief in myself and the support of my now-ex boyfriend was enough to carry me through.
Life is all about whose messages you listen to in your mind and heart-- yours or someone else's. If I had wallowed in the negativity thrown at me by others in the industry, the judging panel, or even people extremely close to me, I would have quit or lobbed myself off a bridge a long time ago. Trust me. I still get flack from not being "quite right" in the industry.
I'm a little frazzled today. I can be honest with you guys. I'm tired-- physically and mentally, I'm starting to run out of gas. This is a normal snag for me to hit. I know my show preps like the back of my hand. I'm still excited about everything, but I'm worried about the Arnold for numerous reasons. When I'm freaking out or feeling burnt out, I have somewhat of a bizarre meditation process. I get a coffee from the gas station, turn my radio off, and I drive around the Cities in silence. I think a lot. I talk to God. I constantly ask for guidance and that I'll follow Him where ever He points me and to please continue putting the right people in my path to get me where I'm supposed to go. I will go wherever His compass points me. I always have to find my center and everything will be okay.
I can either quit or I can keep going and keep trying. So as worried as I am about the Arnold, I'll just keep going. I'll find my way.
For all of you out there worried or struggling.... hang in there. Decide who you're going to listen to in your life, make a plan of action, balance yourself emotionally/mentally through whatever YOUR routine is, and go. It will be worth it in the end.
Make it a great Wednesday. <3
Comments
Post a Comment