Moral dilemma: Does your doctor always know best?
I'm finding myself in a relatively interesting scenario that has presented itself in the last 24 hours. Maybe you guys have run into this too.
I've been seeing a fabulous counselor for over a year. She has really helped me iron out some issues from my past and help me gain some strength and confidence. Some major traumas from my life have been alleviated and overcome from the last few years and I am eternally grateful for that.
I had an appointment with her last night and she was asking me about everything in regards to competition life and my health/fitness goals for the industry. She asked me a series of questions about how I train, how I diet, why I compete, etc etc trying to get a grasp of what competition life is like and why I love it.
The more I talked, the more baffled I got by by her body language-- tipped head, furrowed brow, crossed legs, her pen pressed over her lips. She obviously was disapproving but was hesitant to say so.
When I was done explaining my vision for my life and what I'm striving for, she tipped her head to the side and said, "Abby, I realize you think that this is a great vision, but I am very concerned that you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of eating disorders or could be on the verge of one. This sounds extreme and I'm concerned that you're destroying your psyche and body without checking into the long term effects of trying to be a part of this industry. What I see is a beautiful, smart, driven women before me that is setting herself up beautifully for starvation or binging and purging."
Uhhhhh.... what...?
Hey, any of my friends who have ever witnessed the disgusting amount of food when I'm out to eat-- do you guys think I'm at risk for an eating disorder? Any of you ever been out with me when I've had to order TWO entrees because one wasn't enough? Are you freaking kidding me?
I actually was really disappointed, not to mention offended. She's known me and my character long enough now and she knows how passionate I am. I immediately countered with a 10 minute soapbox moment of why that is not possible. I eat 5-7 meals a day, I have to eat that much in order to retain my muscle mass, I only train to the degree I am right now for a very finite period of time, etc etc.
Still, my counselor was gently asking if women in their 40's could do what I was trying to do. I answered: "Yes." She asked, can women in their 50s and 60s do the things that I currently do (IE, competing) and I said "Yes, I actually know women in their 50s who compete now." I think that surprised her.
As the hour progressed, she kind of tried to talk me out of the fitness industry and competing as a whole because she's convinced I'm going to end up either starving myself, binging or purging, or become one of the girls who lives on a treadmill for 3 hours a day and only eats lettuce.
Now this is the dilemma: Do I tell my counselor she's completely wrong? Do I seek out a new one? I have no idea what to do here.
I appreciate her concern but her diagnosis is completely off base. I've never had an eating disorder (other than overeating!) and I'm not sure how I feel about having a professional in my life judging me for chasing dreams just because she doesn't get the process or the final vision I'm trying to achieve.
I have people I don't know email me or comment things about thinking women with muscle are gross. Okay, cool, that's fine-- everyone is entitled to their opinion. But to essentially dismiss the entire fitness industry as a bunch of crazy people who will just end up with eating disorders really rubbed me the wrong way.
What would you guys do?
I've been seeing a fabulous counselor for over a year. She has really helped me iron out some issues from my past and help me gain some strength and confidence. Some major traumas from my life have been alleviated and overcome from the last few years and I am eternally grateful for that.
I had an appointment with her last night and she was asking me about everything in regards to competition life and my health/fitness goals for the industry. She asked me a series of questions about how I train, how I diet, why I compete, etc etc trying to get a grasp of what competition life is like and why I love it.
The more I talked, the more baffled I got by by her body language-- tipped head, furrowed brow, crossed legs, her pen pressed over her lips. She obviously was disapproving but was hesitant to say so.
When I was done explaining my vision for my life and what I'm striving for, she tipped her head to the side and said, "Abby, I realize you think that this is a great vision, but I am very concerned that you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of eating disorders or could be on the verge of one. This sounds extreme and I'm concerned that you're destroying your psyche and body without checking into the long term effects of trying to be a part of this industry. What I see is a beautiful, smart, driven women before me that is setting herself up beautifully for starvation or binging and purging."
Uhhhhh.... what...?
Hey, any of my friends who have ever witnessed the disgusting amount of food when I'm out to eat-- do you guys think I'm at risk for an eating disorder? Any of you ever been out with me when I've had to order TWO entrees because one wasn't enough? Are you freaking kidding me?
I actually was really disappointed, not to mention offended. She's known me and my character long enough now and she knows how passionate I am. I immediately countered with a 10 minute soapbox moment of why that is not possible. I eat 5-7 meals a day, I have to eat that much in order to retain my muscle mass, I only train to the degree I am right now for a very finite period of time, etc etc.
Still, my counselor was gently asking if women in their 40's could do what I was trying to do. I answered: "Yes." She asked, can women in their 50s and 60s do the things that I currently do (IE, competing) and I said "Yes, I actually know women in their 50s who compete now." I think that surprised her.
As the hour progressed, she kind of tried to talk me out of the fitness industry and competing as a whole because she's convinced I'm going to end up either starving myself, binging or purging, or become one of the girls who lives on a treadmill for 3 hours a day and only eats lettuce.
Now this is the dilemma: Do I tell my counselor she's completely wrong? Do I seek out a new one? I have no idea what to do here.
I appreciate her concern but her diagnosis is completely off base. I've never had an eating disorder (other than overeating!) and I'm not sure how I feel about having a professional in my life judging me for chasing dreams just because she doesn't get the process or the final vision I'm trying to achieve.
I have people I don't know email me or comment things about thinking women with muscle are gross. Okay, cool, that's fine-- everyone is entitled to their opinion. But to essentially dismiss the entire fitness industry as a bunch of crazy people who will just end up with eating disorders really rubbed me the wrong way.
What would you guys do?
I have known yo for pretty much ever, and I KNOW she is off base. You have a great relationship with her, so moving on might be a bit rash. However I do think that you may want to talk to her more about how this has boosted your confidence, and this is about pushing yourself and not about destroying yourself.
ReplyDeleteAbby, this woman may well be educated in the discipline of counseling you for certain areas of your life; but it is obvious she is not skilled in counseling you in others (i.e., your fitness pursuit). She sounds like many of the ill informed people that, frankly, judge a book by its cover. I'm concerned that she's crossed a line into an area of your life that's not hers to discuss. You did not ask for advice in this area. Why is she offering it? To me, it sounds like an opinion, and in that regard; you know what they say... they're like a---- everyone has one. But, this is a professional, with certain health related responsibilities and ethical guidelines. I would diplomatically tell her that you don't wish to discuss this aspect of your life, and that she isn't qualified medically to discuss the merits or impacts this has to you physically. For that, you seek other, qualified medical and biological physicians, trainers, counselers, nutrition guidance counselors, product sponsors, etc. who ARE qualified to advise you in these matters. In other words "stick to your specialty, honey". "Look at what I've achieved, and you may learn a thing from me."
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned it's a "she". Remember what you've learned so far in the fitness industry and review your own latest blog entry. Is this a woman who, perhaps has her own insecurities and is projecting those onto you to make herself feel better? It may seem odd, but I know you've seen worse. Don't let the paper hanging on the wall blind you to the fact that women harbor some amount of jealousy.
In every sense of the word, you are a winner. Looks, physique, drive, writing, mental attitude, relationship, creatitivity, and the list goes on. Who wouldn't be jealous. You know your body, you know what it needs, how to feed it, how to care for it, how to build it. You teach that to others. In these areas, you are the expert; not her.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with her, so I wouldn't, as little-runner-girl mentions toss out the baby with the bath water. But, I would gently (or forcibly) put her in her place. "Drop and give me 50; and then you can tell me how to take care of my body." "Stand on stage and be judged by industry professionals in nutrition and biomechanics; and then you can tell me how to take care of my body." "Walk away with an endorsement from an industry leader in food nutrition; and then you can lecture me on how I take care of myself." "When I see a fitness trophy on your mantle, instead of a degree in physchology; then we'll talk about the body." Until then, lets just stick with the mind.
Don't let ANYONE plant self-doubt. You're better than that.