I Hope You Dance (And not the terrible song from 1999)
I've always been a pretty open person; arguably to a flaw.
My perspective on life has always been a little different. Other people have ambitions to be at the top of their game in life and bringing in money hand over fist, others dream of getting covers, making it big, and living the American Dream.
And that's all fine and well. Of course I want those things too. But my own life has formed me into the person I am today through experiences and the experiences of people around me. I observe quietly and take in lessons as they come, either through seeing other people or walking on my own path.
My biological father was killed when he was 26 years old. I wasn't quite a year old yet and my sister was just short of being 3. I've always had a very strong understanding that life is finite and goes fast. Even when I was a kid, I somehow understood how acutely short childhood was and I was never a child who wanted to grow up. I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to relish in it and stay little forever.
As a result of my father going to work one day and never coming home, I've always tried treating people well. You never know when you're going to see someone again. I try to be a source of positive influence and good in people's lives. There are so many broken people who need a shoulder to lean on and a cheerleader for them out there, I feel it's my responsibility as a human being to be the person that believes in and helps other people. When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. I went to school for it and halfway through the teaching program, concluded it was the wrong plug for me. I graduated from SMU in 2004 and a year later I enrolled in cosmetology school because that was a way to help people feel happy and good about themselves instantly. Fitness came into the mix circa 2007 after a permanent, career-ending injury happened to my right hand. Fitness is even better - it helps people from the inside OUT, not vice versa. Even better, it's not a quick fix. It helps people longterm and changes lives permanently. I still feel that I will end up in some sort of fitness career at some point when I find the right niche.
That being said, that doesn't mean I haven't stumbled along the way. I've made a ton of bad decisions and aligned myself with the wrong people numerous times and suffered the consequences. There are positives and negatives to these experiences. I have learned so much about myself along the way, but there are still times where I find I'm standing on the edge of something big and I can't make myself make the jump.
Who among us can say that they haven't chickened out or blown a big moment in their lives? Very few. And those moments are the times that force us to grow.
I was dearly close to my grandpa growing up. He was diagnosed with a rare cancer right as I was graduating from college in 2004 and we knew his time was short. Grandpa was supposed to be gone in 2 months and he lived another 2 years. He was a wonderful, stubborn old guy and he always had a knack for making me feel special and loved, no matter what the circumstance or any problem I shared with him. His lessons were always gentle and caring, even if he had to be firm from time to time. I know my experience as a grandchild was so different than what my mom and her siblings experienced. He had a gentle, loving energy about him at all times for as long as I can remember, and for that I am grateful.
I was at a wedding when he was ill. I must have been 23 years old. My grandparents were there and we all knew Grandpa was very sick.
This was a picture from that night.
Back in his day, my Grandpa was a hell of a dancer. All the old Sinatra and big band era music was obviously from his time and he loved to dance. That's a skill I always wish I had.
My Grandpa came up to me and asked me to dance with him.
Dancing gives me anxiety unless I'm loaded out of my gord and I was stone sober. I don't know why I couldn't just get over it, but I politely declined. He asked me if I was sure. I said, "It's okay, Grandpa, next time." He smiled and hid his disappointment. He said that was okay, stroked my cheek, and went on to mingle.
But I didn't get a next time.
There wasn't another wedding for me to go to with him at it; he was gone by the spring.
I have always regretted this moment more than I can tell you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. Why didn't I dance? How could I disappoint him like that when we both knew his time was limited? Why was I so stuck in my own comfort zone that I missed out on such a wonderful memory?
I bet I've apologized to him a billion times in the last few years. I cannot believe I messed it up that badly.
Since then so much of my life has been living without regrets. I try, and I try my damnedest to make sure I leave no stone unturned when it comes to the relationships in my life. I pour myself into people and really try to make sure they are loved and cared for.
Whatever you're doing in life, whatever things you're worried about, and no matter what is going on in your own mind and heart, make sure you reach out to people and let them know how important they are to you. Treat them well. Be kind. Get out of your own comfort zone, even if it makes you feel vulnerable.
Be brave enough to dance, even if you suck at it. Be wise enough to know when you screwed up and when it's time to apologize. Be strong enough face yourself in your darkest hours and fears.
Don't miss out on your opportunities to connect with someone and take a risk. Don't be me. Don't sit at the table at a wedding with anxiety-buckled knees.
When I see my Grandpa again, he knows I'll dance with him all he wants. I love him that much.
Make it a great Saturday.
~Abs
My perspective on life has always been a little different. Other people have ambitions to be at the top of their game in life and bringing in money hand over fist, others dream of getting covers, making it big, and living the American Dream.
And that's all fine and well. Of course I want those things too. But my own life has formed me into the person I am today through experiences and the experiences of people around me. I observe quietly and take in lessons as they come, either through seeing other people or walking on my own path.
My biological father was killed when he was 26 years old. I wasn't quite a year old yet and my sister was just short of being 3. I've always had a very strong understanding that life is finite and goes fast. Even when I was a kid, I somehow understood how acutely short childhood was and I was never a child who wanted to grow up. I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to relish in it and stay little forever.
As a result of my father going to work one day and never coming home, I've always tried treating people well. You never know when you're going to see someone again. I try to be a source of positive influence and good in people's lives. There are so many broken people who need a shoulder to lean on and a cheerleader for them out there, I feel it's my responsibility as a human being to be the person that believes in and helps other people. When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. I went to school for it and halfway through the teaching program, concluded it was the wrong plug for me. I graduated from SMU in 2004 and a year later I enrolled in cosmetology school because that was a way to help people feel happy and good about themselves instantly. Fitness came into the mix circa 2007 after a permanent, career-ending injury happened to my right hand. Fitness is even better - it helps people from the inside OUT, not vice versa. Even better, it's not a quick fix. It helps people longterm and changes lives permanently. I still feel that I will end up in some sort of fitness career at some point when I find the right niche.
That being said, that doesn't mean I haven't stumbled along the way. I've made a ton of bad decisions and aligned myself with the wrong people numerous times and suffered the consequences. There are positives and negatives to these experiences. I have learned so much about myself along the way, but there are still times where I find I'm standing on the edge of something big and I can't make myself make the jump.
Who among us can say that they haven't chickened out or blown a big moment in their lives? Very few. And those moments are the times that force us to grow.
I was dearly close to my grandpa growing up. He was diagnosed with a rare cancer right as I was graduating from college in 2004 and we knew his time was short. Grandpa was supposed to be gone in 2 months and he lived another 2 years. He was a wonderful, stubborn old guy and he always had a knack for making me feel special and loved, no matter what the circumstance or any problem I shared with him. His lessons were always gentle and caring, even if he had to be firm from time to time. I know my experience as a grandchild was so different than what my mom and her siblings experienced. He had a gentle, loving energy about him at all times for as long as I can remember, and for that I am grateful.
I was at a wedding when he was ill. I must have been 23 years old. My grandparents were there and we all knew Grandpa was very sick.
This was a picture from that night.
Back in his day, my Grandpa was a hell of a dancer. All the old Sinatra and big band era music was obviously from his time and he loved to dance. That's a skill I always wish I had.
My Grandpa came up to me and asked me to dance with him.
Dancing gives me anxiety unless I'm loaded out of my gord and I was stone sober. I don't know why I couldn't just get over it, but I politely declined. He asked me if I was sure. I said, "It's okay, Grandpa, next time." He smiled and hid his disappointment. He said that was okay, stroked my cheek, and went on to mingle.
But I didn't get a next time.
There wasn't another wedding for me to go to with him at it; he was gone by the spring.
I have always regretted this moment more than I can tell you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. Why didn't I dance? How could I disappoint him like that when we both knew his time was limited? Why was I so stuck in my own comfort zone that I missed out on such a wonderful memory?
I bet I've apologized to him a billion times in the last few years. I cannot believe I messed it up that badly.
Since then so much of my life has been living without regrets. I try, and I try my damnedest to make sure I leave no stone unturned when it comes to the relationships in my life. I pour myself into people and really try to make sure they are loved and cared for.
Whatever you're doing in life, whatever things you're worried about, and no matter what is going on in your own mind and heart, make sure you reach out to people and let them know how important they are to you. Treat them well. Be kind. Get out of your own comfort zone, even if it makes you feel vulnerable.
Be brave enough to dance, even if you suck at it. Be wise enough to know when you screwed up and when it's time to apologize. Be strong enough face yourself in your darkest hours and fears.
Don't miss out on your opportunities to connect with someone and take a risk. Don't be me. Don't sit at the table at a wedding with anxiety-buckled knees.
When I see my Grandpa again, he knows I'll dance with him all he wants. I love him that much.
Make it a great Saturday.
~Abs
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