If 2015 is Steamrolling Your Life... This is for you.


Summer is winding to an end; I realized I've not written a blog in an extremely long time. This summer has been one of personal growth, reflection, forgiveness (of myself and others), and connections.

I'm going to go ahead at put this out there: it seems 2015 has been a rough year for many, many people I know. I personally have been through some extremely painful experiences, and I see others around me going through crises and unexpected tragedies more now than I ever have. I've never seen more divorces, long-term breakups, broken engagements, deaths, job losses, and general plot twists have a lot of people down and out emotionally. As someone with a big heart, it’s really, really tough to stand by and watch. 

We all are aware life has extreme ups and downs at any given point, but the amount of people that I have conversations with is making is extremely apparent that this year has been significantly more down than up. Though I’m a silly goofball at heart, I also tend to dwell on and contemplate the meaning of things far more than I care to admit. It’s tough to see good people go through crappy times. It’s hard to see friends cry and say “I just want to catch a break this year, man, even if it’s just one week where something doesn’t go wrong!” 

That being said, I want you to know that people need to realize we’re all in this together and you’re never alone. One of the biggest fallacies and pitfalls people continually trip into is the comparison game. They do this primarily through social media. People posting pictures of happy families, couples, and seeming to have the perfect life have lead many people to feel inferior, “behind”, or generally crappy about their own life’s circumstances. I myself can fall into this pattern if I’m not conscious of my thinking. I actively try to be very careful about the messages I allow to infiltrate my heart and my own mind.

Consequently, I was moved to write this blog in hopes of offering some food for thought and maybe some relief from the emotional torture you’re putting yourself through.

1. Social Media is a Farce.

To all of you who are going through some stuff in your life, please be aware that social media is a very selective filter. People post what they want to post. Yes, so-and-so just celebrated their 5 or 10 year anniversary. That’s awesome! That does not tell the full story.

Yes, so-and-so is in a relationship and you’re single. Again, this doesn’t tell the full story.

People share what they choose to share, and this usually is highlights of the good stuff. The truth of the matter is, most of us don’t share the real stuff on Facebook. If you crawl through my wall from the last year, you would have absolutely no idea I had my heart completely broken this winter, that a bunch of stuff I couldn’t control affected my business drastically, and that some generally icky stuff has happened to me this year. That doesn’t mean I feel sorry for myself and that I’m unhappy, but I purposely choose to keep that stuff offline.

Why? Because most of us don’t broadcast the “real” things going on. Almost no one posts their insecurities, fears, pains, and losses for the world to see because there’s a very hard line drawn between which issues to put online and which to filter off. And yet, everyone thinks they’re the only ones who do that and everyone else is being 100% honest.

Next time you’re on Facebook or Instagram and you’re finding yourself envious, just remember you don’t have all the facts and details.

2. The Comparison Game is Killing Your Joy. Stop it.

People have a misconception that if problem X in their life would go away, everything would be dandy. The most common thing I hear as someone who is involved in fitness and wellness is the terrible misconception that if they “just lost weight” or “just were in perfect shape”, that all their troubles would go away.

Yeah. No. That’s not how it works. ESPECIALLY when it comes to working out and changing your lifestyle! Trust me, you can fix all of that and still have issues with dating. You gotta work on the INSIDE stuff going on with you, too. Changing your lifestyle just in hopes of attracting a mate is going to leave you miserable and empty, and more than likely, you will rebound.

No matter what size or shape you’re in, rejection happens. I laugh when people say “Oh man, I wish I had professional pictures like you do (by the way, anyone can go get professional images done at any time), because it would be soooooooo much easier to date. You can get any man you want!”

Ummmmmm …. I assure you that’s not the case. Being in fitness, having professional photos, being a business owner does not mean that I don’t also get rejected by dudes. I have had plenty of times where I’ve put myself out there and been shot down or not gotten a response. So let’s take that illusion right off the table.

Stop comparing your life or self to others. Just stop. The stories you’re telling yourself aren’t true. The sooner you get that, the happier you’ll be.

3. Be Happy With Where You’re At

One of the most freeing things you can ever teach yourself to do is learning to be happy with where you’re at, right now, no matter where you are. Existing in the moment and focusing on what you DO have (hopefully, a home, food, a functioning car, your health, a job, and some friends and family who love you) will do you a world of good and invite in new opportunities for growth and happiness. 

Focusing on the things that are missing in your life will just suck you down the hole of misery more. So instead of focusing on the bad, try to find the good in things and be grateful for them.  The more abundance you have in your life, the happier your outlook will be and the more even-keeled your life will be.

Don’t stress out about something that’s going to happen later today, or later in the week, or later in the year. Be present in the moment, enjoy it, and let that anxiety go.

4. Find the Lesson (Even if it’s Hard)

The only time you stop growing is when you choose to. Keep in mind you have total control over this notion, even at times where you feel powerless. Many of us continually fall back into old memories, old regrets, and guilt about things from the past. This completely blocks our ability to grow and move forward in our decision making, while blocking any opportunities for change to come along.

This doesn’t mean it’s easy. The last 3 nights, I sat and worked on my book. I wanted to tell the tale of one of the most impacting relationships of my adult life, and by the time it was done I had 30 pages in Word written out. While writing it, I found myself feeling a combination of nostalgic and in pain. I had to get up a few times and take a break from it because it was too hard to write. But by the end of it, I realized I had found a gigantic lesson in it that I desperately needed for myself and it’s taken me 6 months to get there. And now I feel immense relief.

Drop your ego and look at things logically. Take the emotion out. There is usually a lesson hidden underneath.

5. You Have a Choice, Remember?

You are where you are in life right now as a result of choices you’ve made. That is neither good nor bad; it just is. So remember, you’re at the wheel at any point. You can choose to remain angry or you can choose to forgive. You can choose to dwell on things, or you can choose to move on. One of my good guy friends recently had his heart broken, and he swore up and down to me that he would never move on, he was just going to shut down, and he was giving up.

I gently told him that was his decision. I realize that’s the last thing on earth anyone wants to hear after a breakup and he probably wanted to knock me out, but all I wanted him to do was see he had a choice in how he reacted to what happened. It’s totally fine to grieve and be upset; that’s perfectly fine. But resolving to a life of solitude and misery just because someone didn’t want him? That’s his choice.

Finding the lesson and making another choice is the solution to most of your problems. You can turn this thing around, trust me.

Taking your power back can be as simple as deciding you're going to do something about it. So much time is wasted in the Land Of "Shoulda Woulda Coulda" and the City of "What if" that many don't even realize they're residing there. Suddenly 6 months, a year, or a decade has gone by before someone snaps out of it and realizes they had the power to change their life all they wanted. It's super easy to complain, feel sorry for yourself, or blame others for your issues. That's easy breezy. It's also a cop-out. Some of the most brilliant people you'll ever meet never truly shine their light on the world because they're either totally stuck in the past or too fearful of the future to do anything about it. In reality, it's all the decision to stay where you are, or literally just choose to do something or see something from a new perspective.

Hang in there, everyone. You're doing just fine, I promise. <3 

Have faith in life and yourself. As difficult as it is, be grateful for the hard times because they're going to make you appreciate the good ones that much more.

Love and light,

Abby



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