Some Tough Talk on Negativity and Drama
I get emails and texts from all kinds of people going through different life things. They're usually not fun life things, either. They can range from dealing with breakups to being frustrated with life in general. Hey, it happens to everyone. These things happen to me too!
As you get older (and hopefully wiser), you notice patterns and seasons in your life that are as regular as the changing leaves. For me, I know I tend to fall into a bit of a depression this time of year. I tend to curb it with goal setting and striving for something larger in my life to get me through the winter. I've learned this about myself. It took some time but I have solved the problem on my own.
Many people haven't learned this skill yet. It takes some serious self-reflection and dealing with parts of yourself that you don't care to admit out loud. Avoiding these things, however, is detrimental to your growth and your overall health. What results is generally a life of chaos and low expectations.
So let's have an honest talk about negativity and drama, eh?
We probably agree these are both crap traits and they're not a good thing. Yet why do so many people insist on living this way?
Think about your life for a second. Do you wake up to text messages from people that are whiny or melodramatic? Do you have friends who ONLY text or communicate with you about negative things? If so, how does that make you feel? Probably pretty drained. Do you respond half the time?
Worse, if you think of yourself, do you reach out to people in this way? Yikes, that's no fun to realize.
Reality check: if you can't handle the little things in life (your shoe got wet, you forgot your headphones at home and you just got to the gym, your boyfriend hasn't texted you and it's been a whole 15 minutes ermergerrrrrrrrrrd what a dick!!!!!), how on earth are you going to handle ACTUAL life shit? I'm talking death, abandonment, loss of job, breakups, divorces. If you lose your mind and make a Lifetime movie over the stuff that DOES NOT matter, how are you going to handle anything that actually does? Can people count on you for sound advice and solace in actual times of crisis?
Your environment and the people around you can have a huge impact on you. I refuse to watch reality TV (with rare exception) because it encourages blowing everything out of proportion, drama, and fighting. Half the time they're screaming but not even truly communicating. It's embarrassing. All of those shows drain my emotional energy. How is that entertainment? Adults acting like children on their worst behavior is supposed to consume 30-60 minutes of my time? I don't think so.
Yet our culture encourages it, day in and day out. It's "normal". It's "fun". To me, it's a disaster. It's teaching people to stay in dramatic victim mode and presents it as a normal way to deal with daily squabbles and communication issues.
In this day and age, social media has made it perfectly easy to spot these things out if you have any grasp of basic psychology. Passive aggressive posts, constant complaining in statuses, airing out dirty laundry or personal secrets of others in public to gain a sense of power or retribution are lodged in your newsfeed almost daily. Additionally, attention-seeking is over the top. If you post 900 selfies in a day, the message conveyed is that you're insecure and needing validation from others. Happy and at-peace people don't need to do that and it wouldn't cross their minds. I unsubscribe from anyone who demonstrates negativity, validation-seeking, and drama in my feed. I simply don't need it. I have positive energy to burn elsewhere!
Your life was not meant to be living drama to drama, chaos to chaos, crisis to crisis. How miserable!
Negativity and pessimism are a choice. If you want to set the bar low for yourself, knock yourself out. Enjoy shooting for 6 inches off the ground and then using it as evidence that you were right and you can't do better. You are 100% responsible for your attitude. Not your spouse, not your significant other, not your boss, not your job, not rush hour traffic, not the bank, not your jerk friend who stood you up again. You are responsible for your attitude and how you react things, period. 99% of problems have solutions that you are completely capable of finding resolution to if you would take 4 seconds to actually remove the filter of drama from the situation and see it for what it is. Most people dodge this for fear of discomfort or change. Instead, they point fingers and assign blame to everyone around them but themselves. Again, you are accountable for your own attitude and decisions. If you're miserable and hateful, it's only because you choose to be. Nobody can fix that or save you. Only you can.
Now, let's make a few distinctions:
Rut: A rut is a 1-2 week time period where things suck and you're feeling down about something. It doesn't not extend beyond that. Occasional venting is different from being a perpetual joy abortion.
As you get older (and hopefully wiser), you notice patterns and seasons in your life that are as regular as the changing leaves. For me, I know I tend to fall into a bit of a depression this time of year. I tend to curb it with goal setting and striving for something larger in my life to get me through the winter. I've learned this about myself. It took some time but I have solved the problem on my own.
Many people haven't learned this skill yet. It takes some serious self-reflection and dealing with parts of yourself that you don't care to admit out loud. Avoiding these things, however, is detrimental to your growth and your overall health. What results is generally a life of chaos and low expectations.
So let's have an honest talk about negativity and drama, eh?
We probably agree these are both crap traits and they're not a good thing. Yet why do so many people insist on living this way?
Think about your life for a second. Do you wake up to text messages from people that are whiny or melodramatic? Do you have friends who ONLY text or communicate with you about negative things? If so, how does that make you feel? Probably pretty drained. Do you respond half the time?
Worse, if you think of yourself, do you reach out to people in this way? Yikes, that's no fun to realize.
Reality check: if you can't handle the little things in life (your shoe got wet, you forgot your headphones at home and you just got to the gym, your boyfriend hasn't texted you and it's been a whole 15 minutes ermergerrrrrrrrrrd what a dick!!!!!), how on earth are you going to handle ACTUAL life shit? I'm talking death, abandonment, loss of job, breakups, divorces. If you lose your mind and make a Lifetime movie over the stuff that DOES NOT matter, how are you going to handle anything that actually does? Can people count on you for sound advice and solace in actual times of crisis?
Your environment and the people around you can have a huge impact on you. I refuse to watch reality TV (with rare exception) because it encourages blowing everything out of proportion, drama, and fighting. Half the time they're screaming but not even truly communicating. It's embarrassing. All of those shows drain my emotional energy. How is that entertainment? Adults acting like children on their worst behavior is supposed to consume 30-60 minutes of my time? I don't think so.
Yet our culture encourages it, day in and day out. It's "normal". It's "fun". To me, it's a disaster. It's teaching people to stay in dramatic victim mode and presents it as a normal way to deal with daily squabbles and communication issues.
In this day and age, social media has made it perfectly easy to spot these things out if you have any grasp of basic psychology. Passive aggressive posts, constant complaining in statuses, airing out dirty laundry or personal secrets of others in public to gain a sense of power or retribution are lodged in your newsfeed almost daily. Additionally, attention-seeking is over the top. If you post 900 selfies in a day, the message conveyed is that you're insecure and needing validation from others. Happy and at-peace people don't need to do that and it wouldn't cross their minds. I unsubscribe from anyone who demonstrates negativity, validation-seeking, and drama in my feed. I simply don't need it. I have positive energy to burn elsewhere!
Your life was not meant to be living drama to drama, chaos to chaos, crisis to crisis. How miserable!
Negativity and pessimism are a choice. If you want to set the bar low for yourself, knock yourself out. Enjoy shooting for 6 inches off the ground and then using it as evidence that you were right and you can't do better. You are 100% responsible for your attitude. Not your spouse, not your significant other, not your boss, not your job, not rush hour traffic, not the bank, not your jerk friend who stood you up again. You are responsible for your attitude and how you react things, period. 99% of problems have solutions that you are completely capable of finding resolution to if you would take 4 seconds to actually remove the filter of drama from the situation and see it for what it is. Most people dodge this for fear of discomfort or change. Instead, they point fingers and assign blame to everyone around them but themselves. Again, you are accountable for your own attitude and decisions. If you're miserable and hateful, it's only because you choose to be. Nobody can fix that or save you. Only you can.
Now, let's make a few distinctions:
Rut: A rut is a 1-2 week time period where things suck and you're feeling down about something. It doesn't not extend beyond that. Occasional venting is different from being a perpetual joy abortion.
Ruts are nothing more than the opportunity to take the bridge to growth or the bridge to the abyss. Hopefully you choose the former.
Disappointment: A moment in time where you're extremely hurt or bummed out that something you were hoping for fell through. Disappointment usually lasts a few days with people and then they shake it off.
Negativity, Pessimism, and Drama: Are lifestyle choices. Period. Disappointment and ruts can be slippery slopes that easily convert into the lifestyle of negativity. Catch yourself in the tailspin before you crash and burn.
I posted the other day that if it doesn't fulfill you and make you grow, it's holding you down like an anchor. This can be a job. This can be a relationship. This can be a bad habit in your life. Honestly it can be anything. For me, gossipy crap, reality TV, and listening to people complain about things that they have solutions to but refuse to do anything about = soul sucking wasteland. I don't want it. I avoid it like the plague.
Drama does not exist in your life unless you choose to participate in it. Think about it for a moment. And you choose to remain in a state of drama, at least own your part of it and accept the consequences and why you are where you are.
I'm not asking you to blow sunshine up everyone's butt. If you are having a crappy attitude day, cool. Own it. But choose to step outside of yourself to see if it could have been avoided and if you're merely handing your power over to someone else because it's just too hard to grab the reigns yourself. Disappointments happen. Ruts happen. Being a self-hating, life-is-picking-on-me, marinating-in-drama lost soul is going to get you just that: lost. And probably alone. And nobody wants that.
Love yourself.
Love other people.
Forgive other people.
Take your power back.
Cut the crap out of your life. Like NOW.
It's your responsibility to find the good in all and to know when something TRULY matters and when something doesn't.
Love and light,
Abby
Disappointment: A moment in time where you're extremely hurt or bummed out that something you were hoping for fell through. Disappointment usually lasts a few days with people and then they shake it off.
Negativity, Pessimism, and Drama: Are lifestyle choices. Period. Disappointment and ruts can be slippery slopes that easily convert into the lifestyle of negativity. Catch yourself in the tailspin before you crash and burn.
I posted the other day that if it doesn't fulfill you and make you grow, it's holding you down like an anchor. This can be a job. This can be a relationship. This can be a bad habit in your life. Honestly it can be anything. For me, gossipy crap, reality TV, and listening to people complain about things that they have solutions to but refuse to do anything about = soul sucking wasteland. I don't want it. I avoid it like the plague.
Drama does not exist in your life unless you choose to participate in it. Think about it for a moment. And you choose to remain in a state of drama, at least own your part of it and accept the consequences and why you are where you are.
I'm not asking you to blow sunshine up everyone's butt. If you are having a crappy attitude day, cool. Own it. But choose to step outside of yourself to see if it could have been avoided and if you're merely handing your power over to someone else because it's just too hard to grab the reigns yourself. Disappointments happen. Ruts happen. Being a self-hating, life-is-picking-on-me, marinating-in-drama lost soul is going to get you just that: lost. And probably alone. And nobody wants that.
Love yourself.
Love other people.
Forgive other people.
Take your power back.
Cut the crap out of your life. Like NOW.
It's your responsibility to find the good in all and to know when something TRULY matters and when something doesn't.
Love and light,
Abby
Great post! Right on target. Thanks Abby
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