The Illusion of Control and Why it's Wearing You Out
Helllooooooooooooooooo, my friends, how are you doing today? It's the day before Valentine's Day! I hope you have a fun day regardless of your relationship status. (And remember, single people, it's always better to be single than be one of the people that's trapped in a bad relationship so count your blessings!)
I just wanted to touch base with you on the idea of control, because this is something I used to exhaust myself with and didn't even realize it. I see so many people claiming they aren't control freaks and they're oblivious that they're helplessly white-knuckling the steering wheel of life from the time they get up to the time they go to bed. It's such an instilled thing in our culture that people don't even realize that they're consuming half their own emotional energy each day trying to control everything in their life (professionally, personally, financially, relationship-wise [romantic or otherwise]) all by themselves.
My best advice I can offer to people is to take a deep breath and calm the hell down. :) You're wasting your efforts and siphoning way your joy with every anxiety you put out there. It's a gigantic waste of positive energy and is a magnet for drama and other crap to come flying your direction. If you're planning an event, stop trying to control how people will react to it and worrying about what people will think, who will show up, etc. It will go EXACTLY as it was supposed to. Do the necessary work and then bless and release that ish. It's out of your hands at a certain point so why dwell on it?
If your job sucks or has drama, just keep doing what you're doing and plug away. Do the necessary work. Let your reputation and quality of work and dedication speak for itself instead of being resentful that maybe people don't notice or thank you right away. Hard work always pays off one way or the other, it's a matter of perception. Be willing to pay your dues. Live and work graciously. Check your ego at the door. Learn from your mistakes, put forth your strongest effort, and produce the quality you can emotionally and physically muster, day in and day out. And if your job is 100% toxic to your soul, have the courage to get up and leave it instead of stressing yourself out trying to force an entire work environment comprised of other human beings to change. You can't do that. All you can do is control you, so if it's eating your soul to go to work, get the heck out!
Now for the big one... stop worrying about other people so much! This is one that is HUGE!!! Why are you wasting time worrying what someone who doesn't care about/knows you thinks? If you're a good person and do your best every day to reach out to others and be the best person you can be, that's all that counts. Anyone else is irrelevant.
Do you think there aren't people who judge me on a daily basis, based on my current lifestyle or maybe past relationships/decisions? You bet there are. You think there aren't people who dislike me for whatever reason because of stuff they've heard through the grapevine from people I haven't spoken to in eons? Of course there are! But realistically, all you can do is ignore it and keep being yourself. My tolerance for stuff like that is zilch.
The only people whose opinions matter are:
When it comes to relationships and love, why are you wasting your time on people who aren't interested in you, aren't emotionally available, or don't treat you particularly well? Why are you sitting by the phone, willing them to call you or shoot you a text? Anyone who finds you optional is clearly not your best match... yes? So stop wearing yourself down and tiring yourself out doing mental and emotional gymnastics trying to be what that person wants. Whether you realize it or not, you are likely molding yourself to whatever you deem to be their standards, either in behavior, speech, or communication. Be true to who you are and stick to your guns.
I know this one is tough for some people on Valentine's Day but honestly is it really so bad to be independent and single? I'm at a glorious point in my own life where not only do I not give a flying crap about dating, I'm not even worrying about it whatsoever. I'm 100% good on my own, focusing on myself and doing my own thing. It will happen when it's supposed to. I can't force it. Value your independence and freedom. Go have fun! Take that dance class you've always wanted to take. Follow your own instinct and heart and stop trying to control the behaviors or thoughts of everyone around you. It's very freeing to know that life will go exactly the way it was designed to if you just breath and relax your grip on your life a little bit.
You just have to be open to opportunity and love yourself enough to know where your boundaries are. Work hard for yourself because you love yourself and owe it to yourself. Apply yourself with fervor and dedication across the board, stop freaking out about everything, and WATCH how fast your life changes! Doors fly open! New people come into your life with opportunity and enrichment that you wouldn't even dream of a few months ago! Free yourself from the burdens of worry, woe, anger, resentment, and exhausting yourself trying to impress or please everyone else.
Your life is in your hands, but that doesn't mean you should suffocate it by giving other people, opinions, or random circumstances more power than you. You choose to be stressed out and worry or you don't. You choose to try to make someone react a certain way or you don't. Its simplicity is astoundingly beautiful and frees the mind, heart, and soul like a bird soaring on spring breezes. Revel in that freedom and teach others around you to find it too. :)
Your life will be better for it!
Have a wonderful night!
~Abs
I just wanted to touch base with you on the idea of control, because this is something I used to exhaust myself with and didn't even realize it. I see so many people claiming they aren't control freaks and they're oblivious that they're helplessly white-knuckling the steering wheel of life from the time they get up to the time they go to bed. It's such an instilled thing in our culture that people don't even realize that they're consuming half their own emotional energy each day trying to control everything in their life (professionally, personally, financially, relationship-wise [romantic or otherwise]) all by themselves.
My best advice I can offer to people is to take a deep breath and calm the hell down. :) You're wasting your efforts and siphoning way your joy with every anxiety you put out there. It's a gigantic waste of positive energy and is a magnet for drama and other crap to come flying your direction. If you're planning an event, stop trying to control how people will react to it and worrying about what people will think, who will show up, etc. It will go EXACTLY as it was supposed to. Do the necessary work and then bless and release that ish. It's out of your hands at a certain point so why dwell on it?
If your job sucks or has drama, just keep doing what you're doing and plug away. Do the necessary work. Let your reputation and quality of work and dedication speak for itself instead of being resentful that maybe people don't notice or thank you right away. Hard work always pays off one way or the other, it's a matter of perception. Be willing to pay your dues. Live and work graciously. Check your ego at the door. Learn from your mistakes, put forth your strongest effort, and produce the quality you can emotionally and physically muster, day in and day out. And if your job is 100% toxic to your soul, have the courage to get up and leave it instead of stressing yourself out trying to force an entire work environment comprised of other human beings to change. You can't do that. All you can do is control you, so if it's eating your soul to go to work, get the heck out!
Now for the big one... stop worrying about other people so much! This is one that is HUGE!!! Why are you wasting time worrying what someone who doesn't care about/knows you thinks? If you're a good person and do your best every day to reach out to others and be the best person you can be, that's all that counts. Anyone else is irrelevant.
Do you think there aren't people who judge me on a daily basis, based on my current lifestyle or maybe past relationships/decisions? You bet there are. You think there aren't people who dislike me for whatever reason because of stuff they've heard through the grapevine from people I haven't spoken to in eons? Of course there are! But realistically, all you can do is ignore it and keep being yourself. My tolerance for stuff like that is zilch.
The only people whose opinions matter are:
- Your family
- Your friends
- People who have known you the longest and are emotionally invested in you
When it comes to relationships and love, why are you wasting your time on people who aren't interested in you, aren't emotionally available, or don't treat you particularly well? Why are you sitting by the phone, willing them to call you or shoot you a text? Anyone who finds you optional is clearly not your best match... yes? So stop wearing yourself down and tiring yourself out doing mental and emotional gymnastics trying to be what that person wants. Whether you realize it or not, you are likely molding yourself to whatever you deem to be their standards, either in behavior, speech, or communication. Be true to who you are and stick to your guns.
I know this one is tough for some people on Valentine's Day but honestly is it really so bad to be independent and single? I'm at a glorious point in my own life where not only do I not give a flying crap about dating, I'm not even worrying about it whatsoever. I'm 100% good on my own, focusing on myself and doing my own thing. It will happen when it's supposed to. I can't force it. Value your independence and freedom. Go have fun! Take that dance class you've always wanted to take. Follow your own instinct and heart and stop trying to control the behaviors or thoughts of everyone around you. It's very freeing to know that life will go exactly the way it was designed to if you just breath and relax your grip on your life a little bit.
You just have to be open to opportunity and love yourself enough to know where your boundaries are. Work hard for yourself because you love yourself and owe it to yourself. Apply yourself with fervor and dedication across the board, stop freaking out about everything, and WATCH how fast your life changes! Doors fly open! New people come into your life with opportunity and enrichment that you wouldn't even dream of a few months ago! Free yourself from the burdens of worry, woe, anger, resentment, and exhausting yourself trying to impress or please everyone else.
Your life is in your hands, but that doesn't mean you should suffocate it by giving other people, opinions, or random circumstances more power than you. You choose to be stressed out and worry or you don't. You choose to try to make someone react a certain way or you don't. Its simplicity is astoundingly beautiful and frees the mind, heart, and soul like a bird soaring on spring breezes. Revel in that freedom and teach others around you to find it too. :)
Your life will be better for it!
Have a wonderful night!
~Abs
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