Oh Hi, Updates, and Being in Purgatory-- How are YOU doing?
Hello lovebugs, how are we all doing today?
I just wanted to throw a quick blog in and see how everyone is doing. I have been a tad neglectful of my blog. I admit it; I'm sorry. To be honest, my writing as a whole has been a bit of a struggle in general since the Arnold. I'm just putting it all out there in terms of what's been going on with me. Maybe you guys have some delightful insight into my life, its direction, and some decision making that I've made that can help guide me to my next stepping stone.
I recently and gleefully began writing for bodybuilding.com and so far it's been a great experience. The weirdo factor in terms of the people who contact me has scaled up a tad since my debut on there-- other than that, it has been a fun and fabulous time. It's a little strange for me; the moment an article gets published I start getting asked by the staff editors when my next article is coming in and what it's going to be about.
I'm not accustomed to this kind of turnover for articles. I'm used to driving in the car and thinking "Gosh, people might like to hear about this". When I get home, I pop Word open, type it out, and spit it to whatever publication as I see fit at the time.
This gig, while freelance, is my first paid writing job so the pressure I am applying to myself not only for subject matter, but for quality, is much more heightened than normal. BB.com has a massive viewing audience and you can easily come under a lot of scrutiny if you aren't careful about how you write things and what subjects you discuss. On top of this, I've already been writing since 2011 so it is a bit of a dance to cover topics I haven't already written about in the past or hasn't already been posted on bb.com 30 times in the fourteen years it's been online.
I'm sure I'm just overthinking this and being too hard on myself. (For those of you who know me well in real life, this is not a shocking thing to suggest.) Regardless, I find myself stressing out over pleasing the readers of bb.com because I'm concerned they will think that I'm a dope, not qualified, or a bad writer. Blerg!
What I'm realizing in the last few weeks is that I'm not a dope and not that I don't have things to write about. The problem is, at least at this point in my life, I've been writing and getting published for a few years now. As an uncertified member in the fitness industry, my knowledge base is nearly tapped in terms of the direction I can go with articles. Anecdotal stories only carry me so far but I don't have the training certification behind me to make scientific or training claims. I've worked with some extremely smart people and learned a mountain of information from my ex boyfriend, who is a brilliant trainer. I can't reference my ex as my source if I go into something regarding postural correction, corrective exercise, and rehabilitation/preventative-type work.
So I am once again at a crossroads. I've been meaning to get my training certification since I started in 2008. I always start it and stop studying for reasons XYZ (most recently, the end of my 4 year relationship made studying for my PT cert seem extremely unimportant last fall since I was unraveling as a human being when it was over). I'm realizing that as a writer and an "authority", it is my obligation to be able to continue my education so I can cover all bases, answer questions, and give training advice to you guys with a piece of paper to back me up that says I know what I'm talking about. It gives not only myself, but you as my audience, the confidence to believe that what I'm telling you in the truth. I'm not just guessing and I'm not just utilizing Bro Science I saw online and in fitness message boards. I want to keep expanding my knowledge base so I can be the best role model for other average people that I can be. I'm not a naturally scientific minded person so this is a big emotional challenge for me to face. I was born for music, art, and writing/language. I wasn't wired for science. I'm not great with chemistry and much of the NASM and NSCA certifications cover chemistry and molecular-level subject matters in the beginning. Blech. I have to suck it up and figure this out. This is becoming a gigantic emotional and mental obstacle for me that I'm still trying to circumvent.
That's issue #1.
Issue #3: My brain is a constant, ubiquitous mess in terms of my heart and personal life.
I'm serious. My decision making has been, at best, questionable lately. I'm all over the place. One minute I think I'm ready to go out and date. The next minute I feel like I will never be ready and it's far too scary. It's funny because I've been single for about 7 months now and I still am barely ready to go to dinner with anyone. I have a very hard time putting myself out there. I sign up for online dating for 24 hours and cancel my account about once a month because I can't handle my gmail account blowing up. It's not that I'm not trying to live my life on defense mode... I'm just not ready to rush into anything, nor am I going to go into something without my eyes wide open. If I see red flags, I'm going to point them out. If I feel uncomfortable for any reason, I'm going to withdraw and trace boundaries around me. I think that's fair for myself and anyone else who crosses my path. I guess I'm just not ready to put my heart out there yet. I know it isn't really intact and that is not anyone else's burden to carry but my own.
For now, I'm just focusing on healing, staying true to myself and my limitations/boundaries, and having fun within reason. What happens will happen and I trust that God has a good plan for me. I know things will happen as they're supposed to, so long as I go through the doors that are opened for me.
And that, my friends, is my update. I'm everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Until I make some conscious moves to act, I'm going to continue feeling a little lost and stuck in my direction.
I hope you all are well and that the attacks in Boston didn't effect you or your family.
Thank you for your support and patience, you guys really are the best.
Love and pandas,
Abby
I just wanted to throw a quick blog in and see how everyone is doing. I have been a tad neglectful of my blog. I admit it; I'm sorry. To be honest, my writing as a whole has been a bit of a struggle in general since the Arnold. I'm just putting it all out there in terms of what's been going on with me. Maybe you guys have some delightful insight into my life, its direction, and some decision making that I've made that can help guide me to my next stepping stone.
I recently and gleefully began writing for bodybuilding.com and so far it's been a great experience. The weirdo factor in terms of the people who contact me has scaled up a tad since my debut on there-- other than that, it has been a fun and fabulous time. It's a little strange for me; the moment an article gets published I start getting asked by the staff editors when my next article is coming in and what it's going to be about.
I'm not accustomed to this kind of turnover for articles. I'm used to driving in the car and thinking "Gosh, people might like to hear about this". When I get home, I pop Word open, type it out, and spit it to whatever publication as I see fit at the time.
This gig, while freelance, is my first paid writing job so the pressure I am applying to myself not only for subject matter, but for quality, is much more heightened than normal. BB.com has a massive viewing audience and you can easily come under a lot of scrutiny if you aren't careful about how you write things and what subjects you discuss. On top of this, I've already been writing since 2011 so it is a bit of a dance to cover topics I haven't already written about in the past or hasn't already been posted on bb.com 30 times in the fourteen years it's been online.
I'm sure I'm just overthinking this and being too hard on myself. (For those of you who know me well in real life, this is not a shocking thing to suggest.) Regardless, I find myself stressing out over pleasing the readers of bb.com because I'm concerned they will think that I'm a dope, not qualified, or a bad writer. Blerg!
What I'm realizing in the last few weeks is that I'm not a dope and not that I don't have things to write about. The problem is, at least at this point in my life, I've been writing and getting published for a few years now. As an uncertified member in the fitness industry, my knowledge base is nearly tapped in terms of the direction I can go with articles. Anecdotal stories only carry me so far but I don't have the training certification behind me to make scientific or training claims. I've worked with some extremely smart people and learned a mountain of information from my ex boyfriend, who is a brilliant trainer. I can't reference my ex as my source if I go into something regarding postural correction, corrective exercise, and rehabilitation/preventative-type work.
So I am once again at a crossroads. I've been meaning to get my training certification since I started in 2008. I always start it and stop studying for reasons XYZ (most recently, the end of my 4 year relationship made studying for my PT cert seem extremely unimportant last fall since I was unraveling as a human being when it was over). I'm realizing that as a writer and an "authority", it is my obligation to be able to continue my education so I can cover all bases, answer questions, and give training advice to you guys with a piece of paper to back me up that says I know what I'm talking about. It gives not only myself, but you as my audience, the confidence to believe that what I'm telling you in the truth. I'm not just guessing and I'm not just utilizing Bro Science I saw online and in fitness message boards. I want to keep expanding my knowledge base so I can be the best role model for other average people that I can be. I'm not a naturally scientific minded person so this is a big emotional challenge for me to face. I was born for music, art, and writing/language. I wasn't wired for science. I'm not great with chemistry and much of the NASM and NSCA certifications cover chemistry and molecular-level subject matters in the beginning. Blech. I have to suck it up and figure this out. This is becoming a gigantic emotional and mental obstacle for me that I'm still trying to circumvent.
That's issue #1.
Issue #2 is that I've been trying to figure out what I need to do in order to bring my body to the next level. The online program I've been using has been great but I need something a little more personalized. I've been tinkering with the idea of going to a new coach to prepare me for the show I'm looking to do in Vegas in November.
- Issue 2.a: A lot of the coaches out there are way out of my budget. Way, way, way, way, way out out of my budget. As in, $250 a month kind of a budget or $1500-3000 for a personalized training program. This literally is just not feasible for me so I'm incredibly frustrated. There are 3 people I'd swoon to work with but I'm not going to try to haggle their prices down because they deserve to make the money they are asking for.
- Issue 2.b: If I join other fitness groups or groups that work specifically with competitors, this disqualifies me from judging many shows. Any loyalty to any group instantly taints your ability to be objective as a judge. I don't judge many competitions, but I do enjoy doing it when asked. Surrendering that opportunity really will bum me out.
Issue #3: My brain is a constant, ubiquitous mess in terms of my heart and personal life.
I'm serious. My decision making has been, at best, questionable lately. I'm all over the place. One minute I think I'm ready to go out and date. The next minute I feel like I will never be ready and it's far too scary. It's funny because I've been single for about 7 months now and I still am barely ready to go to dinner with anyone. I have a very hard time putting myself out there. I sign up for online dating for 24 hours and cancel my account about once a month because I can't handle my gmail account blowing up. It's not that I'm not trying to live my life on defense mode... I'm just not ready to rush into anything, nor am I going to go into something without my eyes wide open. If I see red flags, I'm going to point them out. If I feel uncomfortable for any reason, I'm going to withdraw and trace boundaries around me. I think that's fair for myself and anyone else who crosses my path. I guess I'm just not ready to put my heart out there yet. I know it isn't really intact and that is not anyone else's burden to carry but my own.
For now, I'm just focusing on healing, staying true to myself and my limitations/boundaries, and having fun within reason. What happens will happen and I trust that God has a good plan for me. I know things will happen as they're supposed to, so long as I go through the doors that are opened for me.
And that, my friends, is my update. I'm everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Until I make some conscious moves to act, I'm going to continue feeling a little lost and stuck in my direction.
I hope you all are well and that the attacks in Boston didn't effect you or your family.
Thank you for your support and patience, you guys really are the best.
Love and pandas,
Abby
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