Honoring Your Need for Peace in 2019
For many of you that have known or followed me for awhile, you know that the last 3 years have (by and large) been some semblance of a dumpster fire with a few brief points of normalcy and peace.
For the last few months, I've been adapting to living briefly with my guardian angel friend, Jill, and taking a breather after an unrelenting year of unforeseen stress and loss. I located and signed on the dotted line to move into my new place on January 5th, and with that anxiety away, I'm feeling excited and ready for the next chapter. 2018 is a year I will NEVER forget. I'm certain that I'm not the only person that encountered some adversity and somehow managed to survive.
2018 was largely spent alone, with the exception of being at my krav maga gym. When I moved here on Labor Day weekend of 2017, I never in a million years anticipated my telecommuting position being eliminated just four months after arriving here. I was not connected to the community and had virtually no support system in place. What this resulted in was a 10 month financial and emotional tailspin, surviving on a $10 a week budget, and genuinely thinking that Arizona was trying to push me out. All the while, people around me asked me why I wasn't focusing on my business again when it took all my effort to get out of bed in the morning. The focus and emotional ability lacks when you're trying to keep your electricity on and surviving on 88 cent boxes of macaroni and cheese. Sufficed to say, I've learned this last year what matters, what doesn't, and that there's a massive difference between being alone and being lonely.
I was 2 weeks away from my lease being up at my townhouse and my landlord was selling it. I felt like there was a noose around my neck as August and September began marching by. My current position literally came out of nowhere. As in, the same day that I found out my unemployment was running out, I received a phone call about it 45 minutes later. And just like that... the crisis that seemed to have no mercy for me was over. There are no words for the amount of gratitude I have, and if you know me, you know I don't believe in coincidences. These serendipitous occurrences continue feeling much more miraculous than of mere happenstance.
2018 was also a year of boundaries for me. As each year passes, I find my tolerance for not honoring myself and my highest good is very low. If I notice a pattern of feeling drained instead of invigorated around a person, I don't make excuses for it and do what I need to do in order to maintain my sense of personal peace, emotional health, and spiritual wholeness. If I'm shown disrespect or notice a pattern of someone else in my life being abusive and not taking responsibility, I no longer bend around and twist myself to convince myself these things aren't occurring. In my 20s, I was much more thin skinned and nervous about offending people by standing up for myself. 10 years in the fitness industry definitely taught me how to take criticism and turn a cheek to things that are petty, but I will absolutely take a stance when things are unequivocally wrong. I'm my 30s, I have no qualms standing my ground once I process the circumstances mitigating it, even when it's difficult.
I'm slowly learning the gifts of saying no, and realizing I'm just one person, and I'm out here doing the best I can every day. Perfection, no matter how much we strive for it, doesn't exist and sets us up to feel as though we failed every day. It's in impossible standard to satisfactorily achieve; therefore why expend energy on it?
My normal goals for a year are much more lofty; growth, healing, change, etc.
I'm happy to say that in 2019, I'm simply seeking calm and peace. After 3 years of chaos and plot twists, I look forward to and call on a time of peace, healing, and honoring myself. This means new (old?) routines going back into play after an extended time-out, marinating in self-care (training, nutrition, fixing my thyroid, hormone, and cortisol imbalances, as well as diving back deep into self development). I miss it. I miss ME.
After feeling like I'm coming out of a 3 year coma, I'm grateful for what I've gone through, where I've came from, and for the lessons of resiliency that 2018 gave me. None of these things the last 3 years happened TO me... they happened FOR me. I'm being polished for something greater.
To my readers out there now, I would invite the following:
Love and light,
For the last few months, I've been adapting to living briefly with my guardian angel friend, Jill, and taking a breather after an unrelenting year of unforeseen stress and loss. I located and signed on the dotted line to move into my new place on January 5th, and with that anxiety away, I'm feeling excited and ready for the next chapter. 2018 is a year I will NEVER forget. I'm certain that I'm not the only person that encountered some adversity and somehow managed to survive.
2018 was largely spent alone, with the exception of being at my krav maga gym. When I moved here on Labor Day weekend of 2017, I never in a million years anticipated my telecommuting position being eliminated just four months after arriving here. I was not connected to the community and had virtually no support system in place. What this resulted in was a 10 month financial and emotional tailspin, surviving on a $10 a week budget, and genuinely thinking that Arizona was trying to push me out. All the while, people around me asked me why I wasn't focusing on my business again when it took all my effort to get out of bed in the morning. The focus and emotional ability lacks when you're trying to keep your electricity on and surviving on 88 cent boxes of macaroni and cheese. Sufficed to say, I've learned this last year what matters, what doesn't, and that there's a massive difference between being alone and being lonely.
I was 2 weeks away from my lease being up at my townhouse and my landlord was selling it. I felt like there was a noose around my neck as August and September began marching by. My current position literally came out of nowhere. As in, the same day that I found out my unemployment was running out, I received a phone call about it 45 minutes later. And just like that... the crisis that seemed to have no mercy for me was over. There are no words for the amount of gratitude I have, and if you know me, you know I don't believe in coincidences. These serendipitous occurrences continue feeling much more miraculous than of mere happenstance.
2018 was also a year of boundaries for me. As each year passes, I find my tolerance for not honoring myself and my highest good is very low. If I notice a pattern of feeling drained instead of invigorated around a person, I don't make excuses for it and do what I need to do in order to maintain my sense of personal peace, emotional health, and spiritual wholeness. If I'm shown disrespect or notice a pattern of someone else in my life being abusive and not taking responsibility, I no longer bend around and twist myself to convince myself these things aren't occurring. In my 20s, I was much more thin skinned and nervous about offending people by standing up for myself. 10 years in the fitness industry definitely taught me how to take criticism and turn a cheek to things that are petty, but I will absolutely take a stance when things are unequivocally wrong. I'm my 30s, I have no qualms standing my ground once I process the circumstances mitigating it, even when it's difficult.
I'm slowly learning the gifts of saying no, and realizing I'm just one person, and I'm out here doing the best I can every day. Perfection, no matter how much we strive for it, doesn't exist and sets us up to feel as though we failed every day. It's in impossible standard to satisfactorily achieve; therefore why expend energy on it?
My normal goals for a year are much more lofty; growth, healing, change, etc.
I'm happy to say that in 2019, I'm simply seeking calm and peace. After 3 years of chaos and plot twists, I look forward to and call on a time of peace, healing, and honoring myself. This means new (old?) routines going back into play after an extended time-out, marinating in self-care (training, nutrition, fixing my thyroid, hormone, and cortisol imbalances, as well as diving back deep into self development). I miss it. I miss ME.
After feeling like I'm coming out of a 3 year coma, I'm grateful for what I've gone through, where I've came from, and for the lessons of resiliency that 2018 gave me. None of these things the last 3 years happened TO me... they happened FOR me. I'm being polished for something greater.
To my readers out there now, I would invite the following:
- Remember, when you're at the bottom of the well: this is not permanent. Find a way to use it, instead of allowing it to define you. You can find commonalities with many people around you with the ever-evolving and amorphous ubiquity of adulthood problems.
- You are allowed to say no to things and not feel bad.
- You are allowed to have days or nights in to recharge your battery.
- You are absolutely allowed to have boundaries.
- You're doing awesome and doing your best every day.
- Have faith. And that doesn't just mean in a higher power, that means have faith in yourself.
- When you're struggling with something, sometimes the best thing you can do is drop your ego and reach out for help. I never would have found my current job without asking the Facebook community for assistance and connections in the Phoenix area. My ego kept me from doing it from too long. I was the problem; I was also the solution. If this rings a bell with you, perhaps it's time to examine opening your mouth and SAYING something.
May the next year be a time of peace for everyone.
Love and light,
Abby
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