An Open Letter to those Struggling Right Now.

To the Junior High to College Age Kids

• Don't worry about the bullies.
  As someone who was bullied and picked on constantly growing up, I'm writing this to assure you that these experiences will bring you wisdom later down the road and this won't be the rest of your life. Whoever cares the most loses in these situations. In this case, you reacting to the bully gives them the power that they want. This will carry into adulthood in relationships, friendships and dating situations if you ever find you have someone trying to rile you up. Love you.
  
  You come first. The only people whose opinions matters are those who know, value, and love you the most. Anyone else can jump off a bridge. :) These people will grow up and many will apologize. And if they don't, I doubt you'll care by the time you're an adult anymore anyways.

• Don't worry about love right now.
  Stop worrying about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. Go have fun with your friends. Yes, being part of a couple seems fun but there is nothing wrong with you if you've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  
  When I say "You're awesome, there's nothing wrong with you", I mean it. Are you freaking out because you didn't get your first kiss yet? Guess what? I didn't get mine til I was 20. It's not a big deal. Things happen in their own time. You need to figure out who you are before you even bother with the mess that is dating. Take that stress off yourself.
• It's okay to not know what you want to do with your life yet.
  Your plan is going to change about 800 times in your life. Be flexible and go with it.
  
  When I was 15, I was positive I was going to be in law enforcement. At 18, I was 100% sure I was going to be a teacher and a high school swim coach. When I was 22, I was 100% that I shouldn't have gotten my degree and went to cosmetology school. After two years of working full time and going to night school, my cosmetology goal ended about 1 week short of taking my test due a freak injury. At 25, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing with my life or what I wanted to do because I wasn't planning a "Plan C".
  
  Fitness, writing, and my current business were never things I planned on doing as a career. What do these 3 things have in common? They're all things I'm passionate about and good at. They're also avenues of reaching out and helping people change their lives and perspectives on themselves (the same appeals that teaching and cosmetology school had on different levels).
  
  Pursue your passions, strengths, interests, and I can pretty much promise you that you'll end up where you belong and happy. Your life plan is going to have many plot twists so plan on that happening now.
  

To Everyone Out There

•  It's okay to ask for help.
  Stop internalizing your problems. It's making you a crazy person. Our culture has a big time issues with people talking about their feelings and needs and that's gotta stop. You often end up going in circles and drawing the same conclusions when you don't reach out for a 3rd perspective. People are so worried about judgment of others that they end up bogged down under the weight of their burdens and fears. This isn't healthy for you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. This does not mean "blast strangers with emails in detail about your problems" but this DOES mean that counseling rules and everyone should do it. You owe it to yourself to have the best life possible and be the healthiest version of you. Get a counselor or pick up a book like Spirit Junkie or You Are a Badass and get some footing in your life if you're spinning your wheels.

• Grudges are a gigantic waste of your time.
  The amount of people who choose to carry around pain others inflicted on them years ago is astounding. Trust me; I've experienced my share of broken promises, people evaporating from my life, betrayals, smearing my reputation, back-stabbing, and lies. Did you think you were the only one?
  
  Look, the hate you're carrying around with you is acting like a miserable anchor. Yup, people suck sometimes and they say and do terrible things. Your options are the shut out the world and be a hermit, or to get back out there and try again. Open up. And if you can't seem to do it, read above about asking for help.
  
  Forgiveness is the greatest gift you'll ever give yourself.
• If someone wants to be in your life, they will be.
  If someone is half out the door and you're emotionally wrapped around their leg, begging them not to go, the only person you're hurting is you. People will choose to be in your life, and these are the people that you want in your life. Changing yourself and watering yourself down to be what other people find more desirable or appeasing is wasting your time, killing your potential, and serving you no favors. Know how I know? I was in two long term relationships where I bent over backwards and played certain roles in my relationships to appease the other person so they'd like me more.
  
  If someone isn't texting you, it's because they don't want to.
  If someone isn't returning calls, it's because they don't want to.
  If someone is flaking on you for plans (dating, friendships, whatever), it's because they don't care or respect you enough to do otherwise.
  See the pattern?
  
  You never standing up for yourself simply teaches people that they can treat you however they want to, and no matter what, you'll be cool with sitting there waiting for them, no matter how poorly they behave. Is that really what you want? Do you want the person who will pencil you in as a priority in your life, or would you rather waste your time on someone who is cool with not talking to you for a month? The answer should be pretty obvious. So knock it off. Stop watering yourself down and compromising yourself. All relationships are a two way street.
  
  Yes, you miss that person. I have people I miss, think about, and pray for every day of my life. Their absence is very noticable. But they chose not to be a part of my life, and frankly, that's a good thing in the longrun. I only want people who are Team Abby.  You should only want people in your life who are 1000% Pro-You.
• Fighting change is completely stunting your forward momentum and chances for happiness.
  If you want to be happy, you have to make changes. I have people who I talk to regularly that absolutely refuse to face this reality of life. Change requires.... CHANGE! SHOCKING!
  
  If you're miserable, broke, stressed out, and you refuse to make sacrifices of your time, convenience, what is familiar, etc then you have no one to blame but yourself. I talk daily to people who absolutely freaking hate their jobs, hate their hours, hate their stress, but they shoot down every single suggestion and alternative I make to fix it. They've created their own prison and they're too afraid of change to see that they also have the key out of the cell in their own hand.
  
  You're toxic to yourself and everyone around you when you paint yourself into a corner with refusal to face a simple truth: you need to change. Something needs to give. Nobody is going to do it for you. No amount of self help books and meditation is going to change a thing if you won't change your behavior and refuse to alter your circumstances. If you're a parent, you're doing your kids a disservice by being hateful about life but being so selfish and fearful that you won't change. Said with love: I want to shake you. You have all the power in the world to change it, options exist for every circumstance, and you're vetoing them all as though you have unlimited shots and time.
  
  Yup, change is scary and uncomfortable. But your life will ALWAYS be the same if you don't choose to do differently. Look around you; is this as good at it gets? Is this where you see your life going? If you're doing nothing positive for yourself with avoiding big decisions, never taking risks, refusing to sacrifice your comfort, that is 100% why you're at a stand-still and nothing positive is coming back your way. Life can be a gamble but refusing to play keeps you breaking even and wondering if there is something more out there, and making small bets is only making you go broke slowly, both emotionally and financially.
• You are in control of your own life.
  I don't care who your boss is, what your budget is, what your debt is, where you live, what your background is, who you are, how your family life was growing up, how your ex treated you in your last relationship: these don't matter.
  
  You have the choice to perceive yourself as a victim or not. Way too many people get caught up in "well, nothing can change because ____________". What they don't realize is how often they have the choice to literally just not live their lives that way anymore. Your family life was screwy? That is terrible. Take the power in your life to get help and detach from those demons. Your boss sucks? Take the power to find a different job.  If your bills are too much, get a second job and pay it down. These literally are just decisions.
  
  Snap out of victim mode. It's toxic and it's sad to watch people completely surrender their control to other powers.
• Stop settling for less than you deserve in relationships.
  Just because you're frustrated with certain aspects of your life does not mean that you have to completely quit on it. For those who are dating, don't settle for C- people when you deserve A+s just to have the illusion of having someone. And if you know they're C- people, stop trying to convince yourself they're A+ quality. Live in a vibration of truth. Yup, it's ugly, but everything happens in its own time and if you're putting it out there that you know you deserve A+ people but you're cool with Ds, you're gonna get the Ds over and over. A+s won't compromise.
  
  You're an A+. Leave the toxic dramafest people for other Ds.
• You are worthy of love and happiness.
  I don't care who you are. You are loveable and deserve to be happy. Yup, I'm sure you have a long trail of questionable choices, bad moments, and things that you'd sooner keep buried under a mile of rocks than ever discuss or admit again.
  
  We all do.
  
  Look, you're as messed up and human as everyone else. Own the good WITH the crap in your life and make a conscious effort to let yourself off the hook. Mistakes don't make you any less entitled to love and contentment than anyone else. Make peace with your past and stop letting it define you. That was then. This is now. Right now. You can choose to be happy or choose to be stuck on something that happened in the past that you have no control over. It's that simple. (Psssst: choose being worthy of happiness!)
• There's a huge difference between accepting something and liking it.
  Think about it. 
• Stop talking to your ex. 
  I've got about 9489578 people around me going through this right now. I'm not kidding. As long as you're in contact with them, you will never, ever move on. It's hard, it's painful, and it's going to feel like you've had a limb severed... but it's wasting your time, emotion, and giving you a false sense of hope/care/security. It's an illusion. Speaking from experience here: cut the tie.
• You will be okay.
  Hey. Look at me through this screen. My hands are on your shoulders and I'm looking you in the eyes, imploring you to know this:
  
  You.
  Will.
  Be.
  Okay.
  
  You've got this. Deaths, illness, breakups, disappointments, lost jobs, broken hearts, unrequited love, loss of pets, damaged cars, torn wedding dresses, broken shoes, crashed bikes, fear, new jobs, scary circumstances, unpaid bills, new careers, new goals, the unknown.... it's no fun.
  
  But I promise you. You'll make it through.
  
  Have a beautiful week. You are loved.
  Abby